250 sec with Mallika Sherawat

Going to college is like a battle for me which I always rosily look forward to lose. One fine morning when the sun was beating its hammer on the anvil of the land, I fully equipped my arsenal and took the chariot(yeah the red color minibus) for the battlefield. As the chariot wheels started trolling a gentleman sitting in-front of me ushered his seat to a ravishing 31st century girl(you will never find a 21st century girl in my area divulging her cleave as big as palk strait). Cursing my fluke or rather disappointed at the prima facie, I stared at my fellow gentleman with the slightest hope that had he done that philanthropy I would have benefited him with the chariots fare. As I was trying to consolidate my deviated focus to the locus ahead, my harbinger rang “aahun aahun”. It was one of my classmate saurav who reminded me that we have to submit internetworking report file. His voice was so profound that I almost came back to 21st century. The phone call resurrected my garden of dirty thoughts from the palk strait straight to the battlefield within nano-seconds. I challenged my intellectual and as usual it began transporting notions to rationalize.The thought of what-excuses-can-be-made” perpetually floated through the lush green garden of my mind until I reached the battlefield.

As I was looking for a rickshaw saifu sang again “aahun aahun”. A husky voice in American accent pouted something. The decade long stint of my phone was always entitled to communicate in hindi/hinglish therefore it couldn’t even decode a single word of that accent. The voice was like Amitabh Bachaan minus American accent narrating the prologue of some b-wood flick. I was about to disconnect thinking of the credit card or some insurance baskies until I figured out the word “twitter”. Without the flex of any neuron the whimsical figure of Mallika Sherawat reminiscence from the museum of my past, eclipsing my temple. A fresh unleash of blood pumped out of my heart electrifying my skeleton. I was feeling like a newly married groom who is just minutes away from entering the room at his first h-moon, unable to control the titillation. The train of dirty thoughts finally boarded at the station when a cocky voice (yeah u know the arrogant emo type americans) uttered “you are the winner of twonnet(poem) contest”; err giving me the blinding glimpse of the conspicuous. Given the naughty americans love for three (I mean the digit 3), he went on pouting that she will call you right after 3 minutes and you will be allowed to talk for only 3 minutes as she is tired and will go to sleep after 3 minutes. Given my precociousness, I intervened him “who are you, what’s your name.” He retorted back William, I am her American brother. My past experience of listening to rather most humiliating line for the adolescent India “All Indians are my brothers and sisters” made me grinn, wow the Americans follows the same suit. After hanging up my phone a juice poured out of my cerebrum “In USA does brother tantamount to a bodyguard?” yuck pseud Americans, I mumbled.

Through one of my sense which comprise of lens saw a train of yellow buses (the heritage buses) beaconing which had always vexed the college road hence like a vagabond I started searching for a tranquil lane. For the first time I found myself unperturbed, don’t know the exact reason probably I was chewing a gum which was like a sedative for me (or may be chewing a gum is always cool atleast infront of the femmes).After exactly four minutes (four??) saifu sang again and with that my adrenaline gland doubled its secretion with the purest of hope that a sensuous cum voluptuous voice of Indian accent will produce sound wave in my labyrinth. But as my destiny is linked with conspiracy, instead of the blessed damsel, William brother (wow that rhymed with William sisters) again regurgitated the same threesome lines. Finally he said ‘I am bringing her on the line and she is all yours for three minutes’. The latter part of his sentence made me intellectually bankrupt hence misting up my gray cells for seconds. The relentless bombardment of dirty thoughts finally halted when Malikaye Hindustan exuded my name juxtaposed with the Edison’s invented word Hello...

the conversation with MS in my next post...

Here is the TWITTER ANNOUNCEMENT and POEM

Pseudo-secularism..

Religion, caste, race and color are the roots which has lead to myriads of civil strife ubiquitously. Be it in India where hindu-muslim differences catapulted to partition, amercian civil war which put an end to the slave dynasty,south Africa’s policy of apartheid, irish-british conflicts, french war which bifurcated protestant and catholic, lebanese war between the christians and the muslims.
In theory according to the constitution of India, India is a secular state but pragmatically meditating on this will infer that it is unfortunately very far from it. Secularism means a doctrine that rejects religion and its religious considerations. Precisely the Government of India does not treat its citizen equal in matters of religion. It relentlessly gets involve in temple administration, temple funding or subsidizing pilgrimages.
Religion is very much a private affair and the state should not poke their nose in sectarian matters. The first bill of US rights prudently divulge that “congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibit the free exercise of promoting thereof..” It says ‘complete separation of church from the state’. The absence of religious strife in US is attributed to this law itself. This is why america is the strongest democracy.
While it is in uber contrast when we compare the status quo in India. The indian government pays a huge subsidy to its Muslim citizens for performing Haj to Saudi Arabia. In 2008, Rs 700 crores of the tax-payers money was paid for this purpose.
The rationale behind the Indian government subsidy goes against any notion of social equality and justice. No other country on earth including the Islamic country subsidizes Haj. Subsidies can be vindicated incase when market fails to deliver social optimal necessities for public good. But the subsidization of Haj is no market failure and the benefits are reaped only by one sect of the society. This tantamount to rob one sect to pay another sect as according to economic right one has the prerogative to spend one’s income as one sees fit. This also contravenes the free and fair elections in India as the political parties try to woo the muslim vote banks. Even the Prime Minister who is as innocent as freshly laid egg at the “All state Chief Minister” meet ranted that the minorities has the first right to the nation’s resources. That was a ridiculous statement as our PM and his party should embrace it to their DNA that each single individual is the smallest minority in any democratic state.
Finally, there is pernicious effect once an unearned benefit is granted, they will always expect more and more. And moreover if you try to dissolve the benefits, be prepared to face the wrath of beneficiaries. The politicians will never let 26% of the muslim vote bank to siphoned off. So this conundrum has only one solution: move the funding of Haj subsidy from public domain to private domain. Firstly, this will tranquil the non-muslims who thinks their moolahs are getting drained. Secondly, it will take out politics from the whole issue.
If India truly wants to be become a secular multi-religious state, the legislature should make amendments to its present etiquettes. It should not interfere in any religious matter whatsoever. The recent non-secular activities in India((kandhamal riots) are the major albatross in getting into the security-council. It’s very heart-breaking how each time India is denied its well deserved position in the security-council.

happy independence day.
Credit: Pragati

From Ape to bloke..

Innovation is the prerogative of the homo-sapiens. Everything in this world is created twice; firstly by contemplating and secondly by implementing those notions physically. The contemporary world is also a prototype what the “early man” vividly visualized then. The vogues of the world are somehow attributed to the erstwhile generations who innovated every unnatural piece in this earth. The adage “Necessity is the mother of all invention” holds true for each diminutive invention that the man has ever invented”.
Early man used to communicate through sign languages. Afterwards they felt the need to better the mode of communication so they invented millions of jargons. Again after internationalization came into effect they felt the need of lingua franca so English became the universal jargon.
History tells us that early man used to stalk miles as a vagabond, they felt the need of wheels so they invented wheels so was the fire discovered and so were the weapons. The present generation common things are the innovations of the earlier generation.
The proliferation from early man to the modern bloke is profoundly the result of their necessities. The basic need of mind, body and soul can be plagiarized from the title of the notorious bollywood blockbuster roti, kapda aur makaan(food, clothing and shelter). These are the three meager need for which a thief steals in-spite the cognizance of the consequences if caught, a servant is always ready to serve his masters decibel of such intensity that even air would crackle with electricity. Human needs are insatiable and a person necessity can even shove a camel to pass through an eye of a needle.

Those were the days..

Those were the days when the moon shone
The luminance kissed the surface of river rhone
For now I am as depleted as ozone
Waiting for you to come to my zone

Those were the days when you used to be not around
My life would turn upside down
For in search of factitious crown
Mea-culpa, I made you frown

Those were the days when your one silent glare
Would beacon like magnesium flare
For now I am in dark
Where even mutts don’t bark

Those were the days when your garrulity made me smile
Like the flowers blossoming in the banks of river nile
For now I am missing that seraphic smile
Which culminates my visage to look like a senile

Those were the days when we used to debate
And I remember how everytime you made me wait
For now my tears has inundate
Oozed to the level to importunate

Life..

Everytime I look into the mirror,
you couldn't find a single error.
the day I don't look the mirror,
you find java.lang.Throwable error.

Everytime I motivated you,
you were filled with bliss.
when I needed motivation,
none was there even to diss.

Everytime you ditched,
I tried to stitch.
but none can go against the treacher life,
even when you are having a wonderful wife.

Everytime I had a dream,
you made me scream.
the louder i screamed,
more closer was I to my dream.

Poor SRK...

As the adage goes “Icons are not born rather made”. Icons are epitomized by billions of people in the globe irrespective of caste, creed, and race. But I know an Icon who seriously forged encroachment to multitudes of people. And he is none other than self-proclaimed (pun intended) King Khan. Here are few of his deed indeed needed to be mentioned…

1.He is the only reason why Shahid is still single.Sweet Shahid Kapur watched one of his movie (KKHH) in which Srk said “Hum jeete hai ek baar, marte hai ek baar, pyar bhi ekhi baar karte hai” (I live once,I die once,I love only once)These holy words got adhered into the cells of his temple as leeches get stuck to human skins. I guess this is why shahid never got into any relationship after the notorious break up with his first and only love (haha…hum jeete hai ek baar,marte hai ek baar …...)
Oh! my poor cow just watch the movie again that baskey married twice in the movie yaar.

2.Every mommas in the country have develop an abhorrence and are deeply upset with Srk as he is having a deadly impact on their children.Here is one conversation to follow
Audacious 10 yr child to his mom..
Son (strong voice): “Mummie mujhe isi ladki se shaadi karni hai.”(I want to marry this girl)
Mom (angry): “Kyun?”(Why)
Son (adamant): “Mujhe ussme rab dikta hai “(I see Lords image in her visage)
Mom (got red) : “toh?”(So)
Son (smiles) : “rab ko to na nahi kiya jaataaa naaa… “(We never ignore Lord)

3.Srk has even irked the younkers of this country.
Most of the deluded (by girls) rookies have began fuddling (after Devdas).Few people have heard them pouting” chandramukhi ya paro kya farak parta hai yaaro.”

Before the movie RNBDJ a mere red rose was too much to get a yes from a girl. But after watching that crap idiosyncrasies of the fairer sex has changed. They now want some unique style of proposing citing examples like torching up the streets (I LOVE YOU…punjab power lighting up your life jee)…what the eff? uska baap elec supply me hai kya (his dad is in electric co.)?

**There was a time when Bollywood was dominated by three mega stars - Dilip Kumar, Raj Kapoor and Dev Anand. These guys were far bigger than today's Kings and Queens but never used to proclaim who's is No.1....

P.S.This is my sheer innovation so dare not to share any of my jokes with cohorts

Mea-Culpa of the Taj Mahal...

“The Crown Palace” alias The Taj Mahal named after my third mistress Mumtaz Mahal, the jewel of the palace is the most mesmerizing masterpiece of my ancestors. If talented people hit the target which no one else can hit then comes a genius who hit the target without seeing it, my master was unanimously one. Beauty is the greatest seducer to the mankind and this genius was entangled by the ravishing aura of the princess that summed up my existence.
Twenty thousand labors were contemplating the script depicted by Ustad Ahmad Lahauri of Persia. Chiliads of elephants brought my bones (marbles) from different parts to frame me into the world’s framework.

If this world is considered to be a beautiful garden then I’m like a beautiful flower in it. I am ostracized by the ministerial to be gazed on a full moon as multitudes say I look bonniest on that day. The moon engulfs me in the ambience of lewdness. The couplets of stupid cupid swear by my exuberance.

I am lucky to have survived the radical changing world (world wars, indo-pak-china wars, terror strikes) for almost 400 years. There are gazillions replica made but none can compete with me. My master left no stone unturned so he chopped off forty thousand hands in front of me.
“Mea Culpa"...that was the most unbearable sight I have ever witnessed. The blood still oozes out like a gushing mountain stream and the fingers points at me. If Lord had provided me with choices then I would have audaciously chosen the hands when compared with my existence. Amino acid gushes out of my eyes that fills the river Yamuna (the reason for its saltiness). The onus of forty thousand hands still haunts me. How I wish if Lord can annihilate me and give their dues.