Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Corporate Language

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"


"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"


"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"


"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".



"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"


"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"


"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"


"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"


"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"


"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."


"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"


"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"


"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

31 comments:

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  2. well written, well said, greedy corporate bastards!

    luvikavi

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  3. hi ankit, grrt post,loved it am from india only.. hope to read more soon

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  4. "You should have told me earlier"
    means
    "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


    God, I know that one too well. Passive arsehole bosses...jeez.

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  5. This is cute. I love it and it's so right on. I don't know how many times I have been told we will do it tomorrow first thing and it's not done until the next week.

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  6. Love it! The truth is out there!

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  7. thats really funny. reminds me of Dilbert somehow...

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  8. Corporate speak... Government speak... it's all the same. What happened to speak clearly?

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  9. Funny. True though. They just like to make things sounds a lot better than they really are. :P

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  10. hahha. i am guilty of some of those statements.

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  11. I have a friend who somehow survives every corporate merger, yet cannot quite explain what he actually does or what his job entails. It is not a classified job. That is not the reason why he can't explain. He just makes greeting cards on his computer and tends to his window herb garden and is really hard pressed to explain what else he does during the day aside form keeping the seat warm.

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  12. Sounds like polititian speak to me!

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  13. Sad but true....

    I think people need to stop using the corporate language and just be blunt about things.

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  14. I guess I am glad that I am no longer in the workforce! I have different rules at home. :-)

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  15. I think the lingo has actually move on a bit from these....

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  16. Did you write these yourself?

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  17. Oh my goodness, that was HILLARIOUS! I'm going to print it out and give it to my ex boss, he'll LOVE IT!!

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  18. You know the saying "It all flows downhill" and that is the way corporations think.
    Some real truisms in this post!

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  19. i'll never tire of reading this, rofl!

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  20. Too funny - could also easily be husband/wife conversations, for sure! LOL!!

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  21. Fantastic buddy..really bone tickling

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  22. well written...
    quite true...
    nice blog!!

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  23. well written...
    quite true...
    nice blog!!

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  24. well written...
    quite true...
    nice blog!!

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  25. what a meanings.
    mostly related to top management.

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