Sachin: The Immortal of India

“His life was gentle, and the elements so mix'd in him, that Nature might stand up and say to the entire world, This was a man”

– Shakespeare

Sachin’s career can be divided into two eras: pre ‘99 and post ‘99. During most of the ‘90s, he was a one man army when batting and a man with golden arms when bowling. Post 99’ era, the likes of Ganguly, Dravid, Laxman shared the onus of the Indian batting line up.

[The initial days of Sachin post ’99 era were marked with tennis elbow injury. He subsided his usual aggression and stopped coming down to the pitch to launch projectiles of sixes destined for apogee. He began to rely more on placements and boundaries. He also experimented with his batting position by coming down the order. The losing streak of the team India aggravated the situation. These events resulted in some aficionados turning fans and some fans turning critics. I can put a wager that there was not a single critic of Sachin in pre ’99 era. ]

As they say, childhood memories are most savoring therefore following are the two special memories of pre ’99 era:-

1. An indelible memory of Sachin would be the semi-final innings of 141 against Australia at Sharjah in 1998. On that day, he was like a kamikaze waiting to explode. The two sixes off Michael Kasprowicz at deep mid wicket boundary and that coupled with euphonic commentary of Tony Grieg set the tone for an amazing match. Dancing down to the pitch to hit Warne’s googly over the top with a puckish straight bat was a feast for the eyes. For the first time, Aussies saw the fearlessness hidden under that 5 ft 5” minuscule body.

2. Another indelible memory of Sachin would be the hysteria that enveloped me after the defeat in the 1996 World Cup semi-finals against Sri Lanka at the Eden Gardens. I remember when my Dad, an ardent cricket follower, optimistically stopped me from bursting strings of Lady bomb after India won the Quarter Finals against Pakistan. I vividly remember his words-“Don’t finish..save for Semi Finals against Sri Lanka”. [On that day] Sachin’s batting was a treat to watch when he hit every bowler down to the ground. He was batting in full zeal when obliviously he got stumped on 63 while sweeping Murlidharan. After his dismissal, the ball started taking 180 degree turn and the whole team fell like a pack of cards. Moment of grief struck my sinking heart, aggravated by Kamli’s uncontrollable pooling from the tear glands. I swear, I would have painted the town red with my Lady bombs had India won.

General Election 2014- Prognosis

No	States	No of cons.	B.J.P	I.N.C
1	Andhra Pradesh	42	1	12
2	Arunachal Pradesh	2	1	1
3	Assam	14	5	7
4	Bihar	40	15	0
5	Chhattisgarh	12	9	2
6	Goa	2	2	0
7	Gujarat	26	22	4
8	Haryana	10	1	5
9	Himachal Pradesh	4	3	1
10	Jammu & Kashmir	6	1	2
11	Jharkhand	14	8	2
12	Karnataka	28	10	16
13	Kerala	20	0	8
14	Madhya Pradesh	29	24	5
15	Maharastra	48	15	15
16	Manipur	2	0	1
17	Meghalaya	2	0	2
18	Mizoram	1	0	0
19	Nagaland	1	0	1
20	Orrisa	21	1	4
21	Punjab	13	2	4
22	Rajasthan	25	20	5
23	Sikkim	1	0	0
24	Tamil Nadu	39	0	3
25	Tripura	2	0	2
26	Uttrakhand	5	4	1
27	Uttar Pradesh	80	30	10
28	West Bengal	42	0	5
1	Andaman & Nicobar	1	1	0
2	Chandigarhr	1	0	0
3	Dadar & Nagar Haveli	1	1	0
4	Daman & Diu	1	1	0
5	Delhi	7	5	2
6	Lakshadweep	1	0	1
7	Pondicherry	1	0	0
	Total	545	182	121

Note :- As of July 2013 before the anointment of Narendra Modi as PM candidate of BJP.

I will never forgive Tendulkar

I will never forgive you for reddening my palm during India vs Australia final at Sharjah (1998). I was only 11 year old.

I will never forgive you for keeping me awake till 3 am just to watch your boring cover drives and stupid straight drives during Toronto cup (late 90’s). I had to go to school next day.

I will never forgive you for playing with MRF bats. I had spent months of my pocket money buying a stupid heavy bat labeled MRF.

I will never forgive you for trusting your team-mates (to score 17 runs) after getting out on 136 vs Pakistan at Chepauk (1999). India lost the match by 12 runs.

I will never forgive you for your blatant show off of Patriotism during 1999 world cup. It had been only two days since your father passed away and you came back and scored 140* against Kenya.

I will never forgive you for walking without protest after being adjudged SBW-Shoulder Before Wicket, during India vs Australia test series (2000). You didn’t learn anything from Gavaskar.

I will never forgive you for the indelible moment of sixes off Akhtar and Caddick during the 2003 world cup. I have only one brain with limited memory.

I will never forgive you for being the first man on the planet to score a double century. I lost a wager that if anyone could score then it would be Sehwag.

I will never forgive you for not reacting to criticisms and let your bat do the talking with records recorded for posterity.

I will never forgive you for preserving your dignity and integrity in the shower of money, when cricketers were stripped of their respect in the chalice of avarice in 2000.

I will never forgive you for holding the Titan cup in your hand wearing a white cap. I have always preferred MRF in your hand with blue on your head.

And lastly, I will never forgive you for retiring from cricket. God never retires.

Movie Review- Ye Jawani Hai Deewani

There is Siddharth Mallya and then there is Ranbir Kapoor; both born to purple and inherited DNA of great potential. The former is an unmitigated disaster while the latter has signature of class and stamp of authority. Ranbir Kapoor arrived in the industry with a towel carrying an onus of huge expectations of the Kapoor lineage. Since then he has grown leaps and bounds, and has now reached a height where everything he does appears natural and effortless. It’s incredible how much of talent is stored in his 6 foot framework. In his entire but short oeuvre, he has already turned into a poster boy of young India, blazing a trail for others to follow. Girls adore him while guys imitate. He set the trend of photography in Wake Up Sid (Cannon & Nikon should be grateful to him for the surge in the sale of SLRs) and after this movie globetrotting and ear piercing are next.

Precaution encourages caution and a caution plays a significant role in prevention. If you belong to a tribe who like to watch a movie which makes sense then prevention is better than cure. The movie has clichés, weak storyline and tad slow second half but the performance, songs and glamour override them. Bunny aka Kabir Thapar (Ranbir) is a new age cool guy who was an LLB (Lord of Last Bench) in school, believes in philandering which keeps him healthy and has no marriage no children type attitude. He has a scrapbook which contains to-do list of globetrotting and he wants to realize his dreams with no strings attached. In his other to do list is Naina (Deepika Padukone), who is simple, studious and geeky medical student in the first half but turns luscious, ambrosial, and captivating lady in the second half.

Naina joins Bunny and his two friends on a trek to the Himalayas in Manali. Avi (Aditya Roy Kapur) is shown as unshorn helpless inebriated loser while Aditi (Kalki Koelchin), wild and impulsive, is a treat to watch in a new avatar. Naina falls in love with self-absorbed Bunny but before she could accost, he goes to the US to pursue his dream, leaving behind his friends sulking. After eight short years he comes back to attend Aditi’s lavish wedding in Udaipur and then the movie becomes unpredictably predictable. At the end, Bunny had to choose between his to do list of globetrotting and his other to do list -Naina. Given the inexplicable need of human contact, he chooses what every guy worth his salt will choose after looking at the contours of Naina’s body.

Ayan Mukerjee tried adding some parts from his previous hit Wake Up Sid but fails miserably. The hostile relation between Bunny and Avi looks unconvincing when compared with Sid and Rishi of WUS. While Farooq Sheikh (Bunny’s father) and Bunny’s not so strained relationship does start an emotional wheel reeling but was ephemeral. The movie questions the moral story of Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara (Review) which tried to impale the audience to follow your dream whatever it takes.

Pritam’s music has always been soothing to the senses wherever it might have come from. The not so sufi song, Kabira, will touch every single chord in your heart. Badtameez Dil and Balam Pichkari will be the flavors of this wedding season. The brilliant choreography complements the songs. Madhuri Dixit looks gorgeous as ever in her item number. The cinematography is colorful and glossy as anyone would expect from a Karan Johar movie. The editor could have done a better job as the second half stretches a bit and becomes slow.

Inspite of not so good script, Ranbir and Deepika saves Ayan Mukerjee from being a disaster. A fun watch!

Obituary: Bal Thackray

It can be said with impunity that the greatest Maratha after Shivaji who upheld the Marathi pride was Balasaheb Thackray. If people lived by rule book so did he, only the rules were his own and the rule book was written by him. Balasaheb started his career as a cartoonist and was acclaimed for his witty display of uncanny humor through his cartoons. In 1960's he started his own journal Marmik that turned to be his entry point into the political arena. Then a major turning point came when his articles germinated the perduring idea of insider-outsider. It had been only thirteen years when modern India came out of external invasion to foray into the penumbra of internal division. Through his publication he planted weeds in the caste jungle of India targeting Gujaratis, Marwaris & South Indians for taking up supposedly local Marathi jobs and began to fertilize those weeds. He announced that people should boycott Hindi movies produced by south Indians till the protest against Hindi movies in Tamil Nadu continues. His jibes on south Indians were like a poison edged shard;the infamous slogan at one of his rallies -“Bajao Pungi, Hatao Lungi” (Remove South Indians by kicking them). This insider-outsider debate became the totem pole of his political ideologue which culminated in launching his own political party , Shiv Sena, infront of a massive crowd on Dussehra at Shivaji Park in 1966.

This fearless Maratha coined the term Marathi Manoos and soon gravitated huge Marathi support in Mumbai. The ratiocination behind the term being, the soil belongs to son-of-soils. His biggest strength was his unadulterated love for Marathi Manoos. Listening to his nuncupative speeches firing joule, thousands of Shiv Sainiks would rally behind him. His psychic oratory was all evident: his phrases offered hope and acted as a security blanket against the bitter winds of joblessness to the locals. As political oratory opens door to power, Shiv Sainiks wrested the control of several trade unions from the Communist Party of India across Mumbai. By 1980’s he consolidated his position by winning Bombay Municipal elections.

During the early 90’s, Balasaheb sensed where the political wind was blowing and being an astute politician he quickly transformed himself and became the apostle of Ram Janambhoomi movement along with the BJP. With the demolition of Babri Masjid the fortune for BJP changed and sailing on country’s pro Hindutva current, Balasaheb went on a image makeover and turned himself into a staunch Hindu. His new target were Muslims. The role of Shiv Sena in 1992-93 Mumbai riots gave him the tag of Hindu Hriday Samrat. He was non hypocritical and never minced his words in accepting the role of Shiv Sainiks in the riots. He even criticised BJP for shying away from owning up the responsibility for Babri Masjid demolition. He went one step ahead and said with chutzpah "If nobody was involved then my Sainiks were involved in the demolition of Babri. Do whatever you can. Garv se kaho hum Hindu hai(Be proud to be a Hindu)"

He soon started building Shiv Sena citadels all across Maharastra. His citadels were sprouting in rural Maharashtra and his travails from race to power came up when Sena-BJP alliance swept the 1995 Maharastra Assembly polls. The oath ceremony of the new government was not conducted in Raj Bhavan as per the custom. It was held at Shivaji Park in presence of a mammoth gathering. The photo op moment was when Manohar Joshi, the sworn-in Chief Minister, first bowed to touch Balasaheb’s feet and then took the oath.

Balasaheb had become a cult personality who transformed Maharastra politics by becoming the anodyne master of Marathis Manoos. He openly smoked pipe, drank beer and wore his trademark dark glasses. He became the colossal figure who without holding any public office was dominant and powerful. The fact of the matter was he had people’s support and that made him matter of fact. Every year Shiv Sainiks would line up for his infamous annual Dussehra rally at Shivaji Park and drink fearlessness from his disposition.

Whenever Balasaheb drew the line in Mumbai, he didn't doodle on the sand. He was straightforward and balked every law which he never believed. Whenever he roared, Mumbai halted and nobody had the audacity to touch him...not even the government. Bal Thackray ruled Mumbai. It is believed that Sunil Dutt, the then Congress MP, pleaded before Balasaheb for the release of his son Sanjay Dutt, found guilty of possessing arms & ammunition, even though Congress was in power during 1992-93. The most interesting story is when in 1995 the then chairperson of Enron International, Rebecca Mark, visited Balasaheb at his residence, "Matoshree", to overcome Sena’s opposition to the Enron project in the state. Another instance of his larger than life personality was when Michael Jackson went to "Matoshree" to get clearance for his sole concert in India.

Balasaheb’s view on India’s relationship with Pakistan is well known. He was vehemently against any engagement with Pakistan: be it diplomatic ties or sports. On one encounter the Shiv Sainiks dug up Ferozeshah Kotla pitch in Delhi before the start of the test match between India & Pakistan. We may not agree with his style of politics but he was a true nationalist. He was a rare combination of religious pride layered with multiple coating of patriotism. He launched an Ambulance Service for Mumbai and today Shiv Sena has fleets of Ambulance plying on the roads. As the story goes, after Amitabh Bachchan got severely injured while shooting for his film Coolie in Bangalore, he was brought to Mumbai to get admitted in Breach Candy Hospital. Balasaheb asked the party workers to send an ambulance to carry Bachchan to the hospital. It was the first ambulance of the party. Renowned author and nobel laureate V.S. Naipaul said Shiv Sena is the only party which cared about the health and hygiene of the city's poorest.

But as age took over him the elan that he possessed slowly started waning. First, the Sena-BJP combo lost the 1999 assembly election and never recovered followed by the big stalwarts of the party: Sanjay Nirupam, Chaghan Bhujbal, Narayan Rane quit Shiv Sena and joined Congress. The biggest jolt of his life came when his nephew, Raj Thackray, floated his own party Maharastra Navnirman Sena eating into the Sena-BJP vote bank. Before he kicked the bucket, his last solace was 2012 Mumbai Civic poll where Sena-BJP combo splendidly won. Today he made the city sleep which never slept.

To quote Narendra Modi, the Chief Minister of Gujarat: - Full of life, Balasaheb Thackeray was an epitome of courage & valour

Numbness..

She scuffled past the queuing throngs
Amidst the hollering of music and gongs
Her eyes were hypnotic and intense
I traded my sleep with thoughts so dense

She had oodles of elegance and grace
With seraphic smile on her face
Wingless angel in shape of a girl
Her thoughts made my mind whirl

Sculpted in kitchen of beauty
Grinded in mixer of alacrity
Epitome of serenity
Venerate you like a deity

In a white salwar, black embroidered, suit
She had a feminine White Big Cat root
Walked straight and proud
Yawning at unworthy tribes opening her mouth

In the kaleidoscope of universe
Her name was only which I could rehearse
Her exotic presence sparkled the room
Like The Taj Mahal twinkling on a full moon

Rain of punishing blows
River of pain flows
Oh the unbearable ocean of spikes
Lord, how much her I like

Road Trip : The Nandi Hills

"Time compels us to move into the future. But sometimes the past is so brilliant that it forces us back to reflect on the glorious times that have gone by"

She was whispering in my ear something in her soft luscious juicy voice, but a loud bell was ringing and I couldn’t hear it clearly. It was sound of my phone gyrating which fully awoke me at 3 am in the morning while Kareena Kapoor was still oscillating in the orchard of my dreams. I reluctantly opened my eyes, not wanting to let go my dream. It was my roommate, Duke, hyperventilating in his office; reminding that we had planned a trip to the hills just three hours back and thundered to come and pick him from his office. Angry at having my dream interrupted, I asked whether all of them had woken up. While I was about to employ one of the excusing juices from my cerebrum, he in his goaded voice asked me to check out myself. Unable to abate The King’s command, I mutedly said Thy will be done!

I went to Bubey’s room and not to my surprise found both Mehta and Bubey (with his mouth open) sleeping. Then I went to Farty’s room and found him rubbing his eyes in half laid back position while Dhanno was missing. It was Dhanno’s master-slave unplanned plan to go to the hills. He somehow persuaded Duke to cut short his night shift so that we can have altogether of three bikes. Farty had bought a second hand black Pulsar just a day before by selling his Activa and was as excited as any child getting two stars stick on his homework.

In a Schrödinger state, I went straight for the morning pilgrimage to the bathroom but found Dhanno neighing to relieve his morning pressure. I knocked at the bathroom door. A flurry "Oh F*** Bh***** " came out vibrating through the door as if he had verbal diarrhea. "Kaun hai be? dusre wale me ja"
Having a good head on my shoulder, I decided not to reciprocate the ‘Morning Pravachan’ and quietly went to the next one whose door latch doesn’t have frequent intercourses. Dhanno, a talented guy from amchi Mumbai, starts his normal day abusing Farty for waking him early and ends after he has abused Farty to sleep in the night. One more epaulette which he carries broadly on his shoulder is of rechristening Dubey to Bubey (spelling mistake is intentional ;-)

We picked up Duke from his office. All six characters were set to experience the unity between the abstraction of mind and reality of nature. There were two more characters that traveled with us to cover the Distance of 50 kms: Time & Speed. We have to reach before the sun rise to see the sun rise.

Our Cheetah Bikes, insatiated with fuel, burped into life, purred and leaped onto the smooth road as I preferred to ride as pillion to extract a little more sleep.
We calculated the speed to make sure distance is covered within time. We unanimously agreed at minimum of 90 km/hr. Never been things we learned in school were so helpful.

We started meandering the road and rendering the air speedily as I entrusted my life to the very able hands of Bubey. A wedge of dying moonlight was consorting us. A chilled zephyr of revelry was blowing through the streets. The larceny of the wind was convulsing; perhaps checking the tolerance level of my body. Celerity was the word of the night. The velvet of night was quickly fading with smoke of the morning as we speedily motored to the bottom of the hills.

If Rome sleeps on seven hills then Bangalore wakes up to Nandi hills. My pilot, the unhurried Bubey, was taking me on a breath taking journey. If riding is an art then negating a U turn every second is called prowess. We started circling the mountain by road and saw new dimensions of the landscape at every curve. The primary right of any bike rider is to give acceleration with as much force as he presses the brake in quick succession, everytime giving a mini heart attack to the pillion specially when negotiating myriads of steep U turns.
The hill was painted in every variation of brown color with greenery as extra toppings. Beyond the edge, at vertigo dip, were smorgasbords of alacritous trees perfumed by the environment, their leaves dancing to the tune of the winds.

Here I am delighted to present my favorite quote
"Is pleasure enhanced by environment?
Yes, it’s like love; Looks are not essential but they always help"

If Celerity was word of the night then Serenity was the word of the morning. After reaching the top, we were consumed by the experience. A sharp cold breeze welcomed us outside as we parked our vehicles. Silver cotton clouds of a pale winter morning sky appeared as we went to the fenced edge of the hill. The blue sky had fully absorbed the moonlight to pave way for the oncoming Sunrise. The Sun began to emerge symmetrically gloating in a kind of holy triumph, ripping apart the fabrics of the cloud. Divine Beauty!! The highest admiration I could express was a Wow!!
The sui generis natural sight would have allured painters and poets like a magnet to shower the paeans.

My eyes’ diaphragm adjusted to focus on another beautiful sight. A young girl stood leaning behind the railing. If Time has given her perfect dimensions then destiny has given her a formidable partner. Talking of dimensions, these days Girls have mastered the art of perfection in deflection with the ingenious wicked invention of Pushup Bra. If female pain is "I so want to have breasts like her" then male bewilderment is when Pushup Bras jumps up to greet howdy while men hypothalamus (main part of a brain) starts swimming in a sea of testosterone.

With minimal makeup, classy accessories, chunky metallic bracelet and a pair of high heels, she displayed enthusiasm with beaming smile while her paramour was wearing a jacket in more colors than a rainbow would dare to advertise. If you consider the world to be an oyster then she was a pearl in it and destiny had strewed that pearl before a porcupine haired wrestler. With caption of “don’t fool with me” in his eyes, motioning of his palm would have brought emotions on all the six pairs of eyes we had. The best service he could have provided her was lip service but instead he was holding her bags and cardigan. Pity!!

Mehta came running, bearing in hand his symbol of power and my weakness: Camera. Only self obsession can derail a world class mind from adoring beauty. We clicked and clicked till the mechanical device ran out of memory. We hollered, we jumped, and punched the air in exhilaration.

I stood on the summit, legs planted wide apart, shrieked in the sky, remembering the powerful past, injured present and extrapolating the future based on my dreams but the echo only came back spiking.

Alas time melts so quickly.

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara - Movie Review

After lot of search which would have made even Christopher Columbus proud, I finally discovered the best scene of the movie which will touch the chord in your heart. The three beautiful horses galloping in slow motion on the lush green field with a tinge of soft dewy music playing in the background when the stellar trio were motoring to Silvia in Spain. I was stunned by the stunning marvels of the moment. Carlos Catalan, the director of photography, was at his majestic best when he copied the neighing horses from the canvas paintings and pasted to the moving giant screen in slow motion while Hrithik, layered upon emotional thoughts, was still in disbelief that Katrina has smooched him.

The movie begins with Suhel Seth announcing his daughter Natasha’s (Kalki Koelchin) engagement with Kabir (Abhay Deol) stating the most clichéd bollywood dialogue ever
"I am not losing a daughter; I am getting a son instead"
Suhel Seth is a phenomenon.We all have grown up reading his columns during the late 90’s. His transition from Survival Strategy columnist(See this) in The Telegraph supplement to a fake intellectual talking gibberish on news channels debates and then to Big screen is really exemplary as well as pitiful.

The story revolves around three friends who had a pact in their college that they would go for a road trip and each one will choose their own adventure sport in which the other two will participate unanimously. Kabir, an opulent builder, chooses scuba diving which was an Achilles' heel of Arjun (Hrithik Roshan). Gautama Buddha got enlightenment under a tree while Arjun got it under the sea but only after sucking through Laila’s oxygen mask (well who won’t?). The weeping scene of Hrithik was mesmerizing while he leveraged that good acting by over-acting in the scene where Farhan throws his cellphone out of the car (will remind you of his over acting in the movie Mujhse Dosti Karoge). Laila, a scuba diving tutelage, played by Katrina Kaif looks quiet bland and unhot while her epic dialogue in fake hindi accent “Mujhe afsos karna nahi aata” and the unpassionate kiss that follows doesn’t help either. She looked more comfortable and voluptuous in the Aam Sutra ad, dropping the mango juice on her lips, than osculating Hrithik.If her pulchritude and gorgeous smile is called acting then she is indeed a good actor. It’s hard to fathom why Zoya Akhtar chose not so glamorous role for overtly hot Katrina. On one hand my patriotic heart was so proud watching the Royal Enfield bullet on Espana road while it was petrified seeing the fake shots of ‘nervous’ Katrina on the Indian marquee. A Kareena(See this)would have fared better.

Arjun chooses sky diving which seems like a Waterloo for Imran, played by Farhan Akhtar. Akhtar who is a legitimate wearer of several hats has outdone himself in imitating Akash (Aamir Khan), the protagonist in DCH. The movie gives a feeling that Farhan regrets not acting in Dil Chata Hai. Javed Akhtar’s superb poetry doesn’t complement Farhan’s voice when spewed as a monologue for Hrithik who remains dissolved in emotions on a bad hair day.
Finally Imran chooses the notorious bull fight as his adventure sport which dreaded Kabir who longed to dump his fiancé if he survives. Natasha is pictured as an evil character while she seemed a pretty normal girl friend who is practical and little possessive. It gives a feeling of hyperbole and doesn’t spring forth any emotions when Kabir decides to dump her for any valid reasons. Just for the sake of doing something after surviving bull fight seems the only reason of dumping her.

The movie goes through lot of jams and thrusts while trying to appear uber-cool and minty fresh. The jam makes the movie slow while the thrust somehow pushes it. Like in the game of Angry Birds, the jam (to kill the pigs) has to be cleared by catapulting the birds with a thrust, similarly Imran’s joke will thrust your mouth to exert to a certain extent while sometimes you will grin sympathizing with his poor and annoying jokes (eg: Arjun, jo aaj humare beech nai hai, thrna nai aata to kya…doobna to aata hai na) In whole movie he was jumping like a popcorn on a frying pan.Humour comes best when diffused unexpectedly.At one point of time the frequent display of Bagwati becomes so blasé that you feel like empathizing with Imran.

One thing that stands out is the cinematography of Carlos Catalan. The picturing of Spain was dressed as attractively as dishes by any chef in The Taj Bengal. The under water scene of the aquatic plants along with the myriad of golden fishes were shot so perfectly that it reminded me of the Accenture ad but only with segregated fishes. One more thing audience will realize is everybody looks like Kalki Koelchin when under water ;-)

If you ever try comparing the star cast with real life 'characters', you will fall flat on your face.The relationship between the trios seem plastic from the start. There is no warmth of friendship evident may be because the director wanted to portray the characters that way but it was not as gelling as it was in DCH. Zoya Akhtar tries desperately hard to achieve the greatness of Dil Chata Hai but fails miserably.

Jab They Met

Scene 1
Location: Corporate House

Andrew straight went to her cubicle with Flora following him.
“Can you tell me where the HR bay is?” Andrew inquired

Veronika, a girl with an Indian doll face perpetually lit up by a flowery smile, talked. She was tall, around 5 foot 5, standing in the center of the cubicle as articulate witness of esoteric innocence and classical beauty. She was a treasure in the shape of a girl. Andy felt like a man who discovered a treasure in the land of “coal mines”.
She was dressed in an elegant olive green sleeveless salwar suit with a pink dupatta over her neck falling parallel to both her hands. She looked so pure and natural with her face consuming minimal cosmetics; most certainly had a beautiful body to match her incredible eyes. Her right wrist had steel bangle (kara) which constantly came down from her forearm as every time she tried moving it up in state of oblivion. Her left wrist had a black rectangular wristwatch with a leather strap which was perfectly complementing the kara.

“Gorgeous”, Andy heard himself saying in almost a muted voice.

She talked, Andy pretended to listen. Her voice had warmth of milk and honey. But he couldn’t listen, not really because he didn’t want to but because of severe hearing loss due to mind explosion.
He just stood watching her like a piece of furniture, as useful, as impersonal and as silent. His head wouldn’t turn; eyes almost locked. She exuded great confidence and Andy was submitted to her confidence. It was a strange feeling of senselessness to watch the mechanical process of her mouth motor pumping out 10 words per second.

“If I were W.B Yeats, I would have written an ode to her”, Andy’s dexterous mind chirped in articulate sound of silence.

The metallic light from the ceiling danced crisply on her face producing a twinkling effect in the Iris of her eyes as if stars had themselves transcended. Threads of her hair were slanted in flat curve across her white forehead and fall in straight line to her left shoulder which had a visible burnt mark. He wished he could float his fingers through her hair, slowly tracing the curves of the threads in the outline of her ears.

She told the direction of the maze, the HR bay, as precisely as any betel shop guy would tell. She stopped; Andy looked like as if he just came out from a good dream. He didn’t know what to speak, what she just spake? The words had vaporized from his tongue. He was unsure, nervous, excited and scared, all at the same time. All his sponge soaked nature’s intelligence came to his toes. He surely had common sense until he sacrificed that virtue at the altar of her beauty.

Her glare made his throat dry. He cleared it. In his stupor, Andy almost choked and said
“Right?” lifting his right hand to point the right side. Flora busted with laughter. Smile played on Veronika’s pencil thin splendid lips. Few people sitting at the back of the cubicle also smiled more because of Andy’s state of embarrassment.

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah Lovely!!” Andy’s heart confided to his mind.

Seeing her willingness to help others made Andy’s respect for her to touch the rooftop. She smiled again and began reiterating the direction of the maze. That was the cutest smile Andy had ever seen. The next time he saw her smile unabashedly like that was on social networking site saluting in parallel with the gatekeeper of a restaurant infront of the cameraman.

If Andy’s eyes were Journal book then his heart was a Ledger book. She made an “entry” to his heart via the eyes. Andrew preoccupied himself with gravity, he was falling …falling in love.

Scene 2
Location: A Street

On a frigid overcast morning the wind blew, soft and cool, piercing through tree branches stirring the bushes that sprinkled on the two sides of the street. In Andy’s adrenaline fuelled high speed world, the digital meter clocked 93km/hr, while Andy gaily chanting the song

“Deewana, dil dewwana

Kabse kare hai tera intezar, kab aayegi meri jane bahar
...
Ke jitna hi behlau, yeh utna hi maachalta hai dil
..
Aa bhi jaa ab jane jaa, dewaana dil deewana “

on his pulsating Red Pulsar which was the medium of transport of his livelihood. Sometimes making his bike dance like snake, doing stunts which only Rajni could be proud of or standing half erect on the bike… punching the air with joy for no reason. He was happy, that was the sole reason. SRK landed on a platform after the song while Andy found himself in the office.

Veronika became the noun which verbs his world nowadays.

Scene 3
Location: Juice Counter in the Food Court of Corporate House

He walked straight and proud with Flora and Fauna following him in the lunch hours. He parsed through the crowd in exigency, filtering everyone from his eyes to catch her glimpse. There was an automated batch process running every nanosecond in his eyes to spot her. She watched him approaching, looking up at her. She didn’t held that pose long enough to let him suspect that it was a deliberate pose. As he came near, the oxygen seeped out of his lungs, his chest tightened and couldn’t draw enough air. She was looking like a quintessential icon of various FMCG beauty products. She again looked up and both broke platitudes of hi and hellos. His voice was a nervous one but didn’t appear to be when it sounded. He hurriedly asked the most diplomatic question about her work; she retorted diplomatically in more swift and relaxed way, took her juice, walked away in most diplomatic way.

It was pretty unusual for Andy to talk in that manner as he was a self proclaimed clown who could bring smile on a dead man’s face with his sense of humor and orgasmic sarcasm. Fauna would sometimes have tears pooling in her eye due to his PJ’s. Certainly he was a clown. A clown is not a fool. It is far more difficult to make people laugh then to annoy them. A good clown silences his ego and reduces himself to an abyss to maximize the laughter. He always created innovative neural path of jokes in his brain as if it were a ritual to him.

Scene 4
Location: Waiting for elevator in the Corporate House

Flora and Fauna, Andy’s colleagues giggling among each other while they heard this jingle constantly dancing on his lips

“Teri ek jhalak mil jaye toh din ban jaye”

No he didn’t want to buy the soap; he just wanted to see her peary smile

He looked at her in the elevator, on their way down. He saw her hand: fingers of both hand stuck together as two mismatched puzzle. She was wearing pink. She chirped to one of her colleagues that she is having cold and almost gave a fake cough as a prescription of proof. Andy so wanted to suggest her remedy of some herbal juices which he had often seen his grandmother having in cough and cold but couldn’t muster the courage infront of the desert of people in the elevator.

Scene 5
Location: Food court in the Corporate House

There she was, dressed up in an emerald green top and black brown jeans on a Friday afternoon, hair open almost balancing on two sides of her face, sitting cross-legged in a blue plastic chair. She was the cynosure of all eyes. She leaned back, her shoulders straight, her beautiful palm closed about the stem of the watermelon juice glass, every time poking the straw in the juice with the left hand while chirping with her girl friends. Andy drumming the table with his fingers watched from five rows behind. Her garrulity suffused a rosy glow on her face as if shadow of watermelon dancing on her face. Then she smiled, trademark Veronika smile and with a smooth glide of a cat walked towards the entrance while dropping the juice glass into the dustbin. Andy’s eyes were fixed till he saw her silhouette disappeared in the soothing noise of the food court.

Scene 6
Location: Juice Counter in the Food court of the Corporate House

Veronika was standing at her favorite juice counter having her ‘usual’ juice. It was her last day in that corporate house. She was wearing a brown salwar with white dupatta wrapped over her neck. Her black curl glistened against her while forehead. Her kara made a grating sound when she leaned and kept her elbow on the marble counter of the juice shop.
Andy and Fauna talked with her for fifteen minutes. A usual tête-à-tête about the formalities, flights, places and weathers. Veronika and Andy immersed themselves in a sweet illusion, talked to each other in a way they never had before. Andy kept playing with his ID card dangling on his chest as vivid sign of sadness that was about to come. She saw it. He wanted to employ some PJ’s for the last time…just for the last time to see her smile but couldn’t .The ice was too big to be broken. After few minutes of silence, both walked passed opposite each other without any greetings. Andy came up to his desk and kept seeing the word ”VERONIKA” scribed on his white board.

Tryst on the Clouds..

Here is the compilation of some of my experiences and thoughts while getting bored on the plane, flying back from home to bangalore yesterday!!

1. My love for Air-hostess’ grew as a kid watching Madhuri Dixit gyrating in the farm of pulses (Chane ke khet me).She played the character of an air-hostess in that movie (Anjaam)

2. While serving refreshments the air-hostess relentlessly looked onto my chest as if it were breasts. I reciprocated…the difference was huge. Then I finally realized she was figuring out my tee liner which read “Face..boozzze 74 people likes this!”

3. The difference between a train and a plane is same as the difference between Chai-wala in train and Chai-wali on plane

4. What is similarity between java and an airplane? Both have garbage collector

5. While getting down the airplane, the airhostess thanked me for choosing spice jet. I nodded my head and asked her “ acha tell me one thing…do you have any idea What is the mileage of this plane?” She was aww-struck as if she suddenly got her stomach bulging out into her last month..Before she could call her brothers(stewards)…I put down my glares from my forehead and walked passed her

6. And finally, Air-hostess ho toh kingfisher jaisi ho varna na ho!! \\Mallya roxx//