The Corporate Language

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"


"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"


"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"


"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".


"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"


"There was a slight miscommunication"
means
"We had actually lied"


"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"


"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"


"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."


"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"


"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"


"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"


"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"


"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."


"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"


"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"


"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

Aspiration v/s unreasonable demands...

“She smiled at you because she thinks you are her father’s best friend”……I pouted to my mate when he tried to hit at my gf. I’m addicted to mock at people and life seems to reciprocate it. My psychometric test result seems in ambivalent state...........

” You have a desire to do your best and to explore your full potential. This gives you a sense of satisfaction and personal fulfillment. However, it is important to learn how to distinguish between aspirations and unreasonable demands. With unreasonable demands you are being cruel to yourself and denying yourself the rewards and self-acceptance that you deserve.

Accomplishment and doing things well can feel good, as long as you don't make happiness and fulfillment contingent upon them”.

This is as true as Lord’s existence. I love people whose haunches are at acme, always try to learn and imitate them. I want more and more from life. The main question that itches my heart, kidney, liver is what is the fulfillment, how much I want to achieve, what is my satisfaction? I want to conquer the whole world? Were I a Hitler or something like that before my renaissance. When I go to my museum and turn pages of my past ……myriads of attributes has been juxtaposed beside my name but still my greedy heart wants more (Yeh dil maage more!).

I expect a lot from myself. I want everything that has its physical existence in this cruel globe. Am I suffering from paranoia? My unreasonable demands never make my eye have a deep slumber. Polar to this I am getting ruffer & tuffer day by day. I have become robust and adept. I always try to face the predicament with audacity thinking these are very tiny more are yet to come.

But one sentence that halts my modus operandi ……

””

Will I fall apart? I neither want to be ice nor any celestial body….

Once in a Blue Moon...

I was so blasé with my lappy dinging the same jaded bollywood beats that I slapped the headphone and pigeonholed it. Seldom I become boorish but when my aplomb berserks, it gets into sort of morbid state. A night of july was one such experience when solitude enveloped me into its aura. It felt like a proletarian caught in bourgeoisie net. When these types of thoughts beckon us “hapless” is the word we reckon. I just disinterred my temple and had a automatic (google) search to the museum of my past. A song reciprocated all my lost accord. Encore! I still remember, I still remember ha , incredible my school anthem …….

(Please sing in rhyme)

We the student of Aloysius,
Come together as one family,
Give us all your wisdom,
To spread the light all around.

You love poor children,
Brought joy in their hearts,
Love and kindness bestowed on them,
Shed tears for the eternal rewards.

We the student of Aloysius,
Come together as one family,
Give us all your wisdom,
To spread the light all around.(3)

OOL..Owl or Lark

Folks baptized me “ullu ka patha”(owls sycophant). At that time I just used to grumble at them but just few days back I came to know that owl is the “Bird Of Wisdom” All my 20 years of experience in the globe I thought it to be “Bird Of Night” , common sense isn’t it?

The audacious owl who surveys the world spreading the light of wisdom and strikingly polar is the melodious Lark, “the Bird of Songs” who wakes catching the first light of the biggest Star. The owl urges the people to gather knowledge and wisdom while the lark urges the people to arouse early, spread blithe and be carefree.
People often associate homo sapiens with the attributes similar to the animals. People who work better at night are considered Owls and people who work better in the early sunlight are considered as Larks. The owls prefer solitude while the larks are gregarious.
People who do better during moonshine generally live their life in problems and are usually busy finding solutions as they are intelligent .Dawn people are very blissful, carefree and live their life in present as they believe “Life is all about living in the moment”(Hrithik’s favorite liner).
I might be incorrect in judging the owls and larks but I reckon as there are two flip of a coin (polar) so there are two kind people ……….owl and lark.

I belong to the owls ………where do you belong??

Thomas Days..

Caesar’s destiny was linked with conspiracy but mine had something else in store. I was pretty much obsessive to get into commerce but a thought (AB ad- an idea can change your life…..its true its explicitly true in my case) provoked which made me cross the Rubicon and took science at the eleventh hour of my application letter to principal Mirza.
My school life can be depicted in two phases the Aloysius phase and Thomas phase. The first phase was very much conducive in my intellectual pursuits and the coming elevated my spiritual experience, enriched my mind, cultivated my body, nourished my soul (mind and body heart and soul tujme shakti hai anmol……… love you Shankar, Ehsaan ).I ventured the cocoon of ordinary and began to explore the realm of extraordinary.
I was very anxious….. as an adolescent who is ready for his fresh face first shave about marching into science stream. My first year evanesced analyzing the teachers. Here are some..

Bhadhuri!!!!! can I ever forget this globe shaped phantom, a Schadenfreude, man in black , with black hair incandescent from 3 table spoon of coconut oil , used to oil his moustache too, his bum bigger than the chair. He was the physics teacher, always came with chalks in his hand like an array of bullets completing two to three chapters in probably 35 minutes (chapters even which were not interrelated to each other like rotational motion, optics, semi conductors) .

Monica De!!!!! anyone in our batch will ever forget her……her statement “let the air open and let the window come”. Caution :-That remark is copyright protected so never try to use. Her lectures were so soporific that even a horse would creep.

Rupreka……oh sorry Ruprekha..huh Rooprekha..err the rajdhani express, chemistry teacher she was so fast that sometimes skipped her own notes which she always brought with her to ctrl+c and ctrl +v in the board. She seldom smiled and when she did (sardonically) it was contravening her “12 pound mass between her shoulders” (cynic people I am referring to her face).whenever I heard the word chemistry all my God gifted soaked natures intelligence came to my toes…...i never understood the difference between flask and a beaker while both are meant for keeping solutions :(

Mr.Pandey..a superannuated, jaded,effete creature resembling a toothpick..any thomasite worth his salt please do the honours for him.

I gave a center shock to all (even to me) by coming 9th in class (although it was not my lone effort, classroom was too small and the invigilators were indulgent yet it was a good debut). Here I met the “green mango more” (translate it to hindi and keep to yourself) of our class , Rajwant Singh Chauhan (certainly a stellar in coming years, amazing personality and his name says it all, mind you not Vijay Dinanath..).My soul was mesmerized by his idiosyncrasy , personality, flirting nature, his everest ( 8848m yes still I remember it) like aplomb, his powerful communication, his zen like focus (I m not talking about Tiwari’s car)and his King-kong style of ramp walking at farewell day. With his reference I came in contact with fidel achates(I can keep on adding myriad attributes for days) Ankit Chowdhary aka Karan (and me Arjun as called by VJ bhaiya).Actually we are birds of same feather who always flocks together. In his closure I comprehended the authentic meaning of friendship and today we share an unassailable bond (thank god nobody calls us Jai–Veeru, that’s sounds too tacky).

Thomas days will be incomplete without mentioning the 3 symonds (crap man..I have to revise my Hanuman chalisa ) of the class, Hritwik, Pankaj and Saurav. They were called the 3 triumvirate with little territory to show. If by chance they attended any classes then snowing in Siberia was inevitable. They were the peons of class oops the prefects, use to loiter like an empty kicked cans of cokes. They were often found in junior class(11) which was called the fairyland because the likes of Sonams, Rachnas, Mamtas (their muma bathed gazillion times in milk before giving them birth) dwelt there. Your dark grey cells will reckon I know these because they were my mates ..sorry I was the fourth australian.
I know I refered myself an Australian but they are also human being oops sorry living being (i am going to ramsethu to commit..) Its time to rest my fingers..will come back soon (mind you I m not gangulified :)

Time and Tide never waits...

When I was a child, I use to often hear my dad saying "Waqt se bada koi dost nahi hota aur waqt se bada koi dushman nahi" (Time is the best pal as well as best enemy).At that age I was very much ignorant.But today I can realize how it can create an impact on the common man.People often says I don't have time.It's just like saying you don't have time to stop for fuel because you are too busy driving.<

To understand the value of a year ask a student who failed in his exam
To understand the value of a month ask a woman who gave a premature birth
To understand the value of a week ask a editor of a weekly magazine
To understand the value of an hour ask a man who is waiting for his girlfriend
To understand the value of a minute ask a man who missed his flight
To understand the value of a second ask a man who just survived a hit and run
To understand the value of a millisec ask a silver medalist at Olympics

You must have heard the story of the Tortoise and the Hare.In that the Hare stops and sleeps just before the finishing line and consequently Tortoise wins the race. Slow and Steady wins the race.This is the moral of the story whic we are learning since our huggies days.But let me tell you that this story is incomplete..yes incomplete.After that race the hare challenged the Tortoise once again and this time he didn't sleep and won. So the moral of the combined story is Slow and Steady 'Completes' the race but Fast and Consistent wins the race.In first story the Tortoise completes the race but in 2nd the Hare wins it.

People often thinks Life is a mere candle but for me Life is not a brief candle it is like a splendid torch which i have to hold for a moment and burnt it as brightly as possible before passing it to future generation.

Yaadein..Yaad aati hain !

Both lived in the same building , played several game amongst long time back. The bull dog ignorant when she grew and his love too. He would spend hours waiting in the stairs for the bull frog to open the door till the milkman arrived exactly at 7:45 in dark. Both eyes met, he turned red, she turned pink ,millions of words exchanged in that silent glare. In that one second they lived their live in utopia. The bull dog had a caller tune


“O the bull dog on the bank
And the bull frog in the pool
The bull dog saw the bull frog
In green old water pool”

But the tra-lal-lal-la was missing!

”She is so Beautiful”, he pouted to his mate when she closed her door. He would always think of giving some bucks to the milkyman so that he can stare her long but always feared (at that time the Do The Dew ad was not so famous).Hysterically he would go straight back to his floor to see his face in the glass how he looked when she saw him and when his instinct(basic) said yes he would blissfully blush (he is male but still…). His eyes said it all. The bull dog slumber went for a run and he could only see elegance personified frog compared with bollywood queens. The bull dog‘s plethora of talent came to his toe when he thought of vibes with her….his temple went blank whenever she came close to him. He in his deep shell of shyness, she in her kaleidoscope of shyness..both numb.
Once he captured her in his moto phone, he was so ardent that he made oblivious blunder of not storing it.. He never before repented in his life as he was architect of future but for the first time.
Both naïve caught by the stupid cupid(Aaja re panchi khol guthiya-Jhoom Barabar Jhoom). A cupid day came, atlast he was adamant to call her. On the eve of that day she smiled at one of his PJ ,and he was ready to commit……… , yeah that signal was enough to call her. He called, she picked up..

The World's most weird cases

In September 2004, judge Ak Patabendige of Sri Lanka jailed a man for yawning in the court.

A Father from Beijing was refused legal permission to name his son “@” after the keyboard character. Permission was declined on legal basis that all names should capable of being translated into mandarin.

In 2007, a court in India was asked to decide whether a vibrating condom is contraceptive or a sex toy as sex toy is banned in India.

In 2005, a 31 year old Brazilian woman sued her husband for failing to give her orgasms.

In 2004, Timohy Dumouchei from Fond du Lac sued a tv channel for making his wife fat and transforming his children to “lazy channel surfers”. Around 1 lac American lawyers were occupied for a while later it was rejected.

In 1874,Francis Evans while acting as magistrate in Winnipeg, Canada try himself on a charge of drinking in public place. He convicted himself and fined himself with 5$.But later he stated……”Francis Evans taking into account past good behaviour ,your fine is remitted”

In 2005,a Russian astrologer sued NASA for £165 million for “disrupting the balance of the universe” .The Moscow court accepted the claim but later it was rejected.

Down in the dumps......

When I asked my cousin “which is our national sport”, the answer was pretty obvious to my conscience “Cricket” ……..
Hockey, once an Indian pride is now India’s ignominy. It has now become the national film or rather national slogan which is quiet famous “chak de india”.
The game is successful stuff in bollywood films but has little relevance in reality. There was once a time when Indian hockey was at its zenith with no one dare to compete .When Dhyanchand and his men used to raise their sticks all the Indians used to roar with them. They dominated the whole of globe ( chak de was not released then ). At that time hockey was considered as game more of skills of a stick and short passes. The rules were very much suited to the indigenous. The west realized that the 8th time Olympic gold medalist is invincible so rather changing their own game they changed the rules. The ban on raising the stick above waist height, playing on astro turfs dismantled the skills and focused more on fitness, stamina and long passes. Indian hockey entered into period of eclipse and today it is in the darkness.
These factors were anodized by the office bearers of the IHF. The chairperson as-a-(w)hole :) has done a tremendous job in deprecating the standards of Indian hockey. Under his regime 13 coaches were sacked or resigned. It is simplistic to blame one person for the debacle after 80 years.
After this debacle the souls of our heroes will mourn……..
O’mighty Indian hockey,
Dost thou lie so low.
All thy conquest, glories, triumphs, spoils,
Shrunk to this little measure…..fare thee well.

MATRICK PASS MONKEY.

When I was born people were rejoicing (ladka hua) and i was crying seeing the scissor which cut my umbilical cord(isn’t it ridiculous,I don’t remember but that’s common sense). My family pedigree always represented blue-blood but with my birth it turned red.

After completing two decade in this earth when I go back to my huggies days (although I never wore it) I wonder what a brat I was. Just as a car without wheels, temple without an idol, me without puchkas doesn’t make sense, the word SCREWED with reference to my childhood is also senseless. Kuttipissah, yes that’s the word which the Malayalese describe for the small little devil. I had been into all the professions that I knew those days whether it be an engineer(used to postmortem all the electronic gadgets, that’s why today I am so called engineer),doctor(used to mix several medicines), businessman(tearing my notebook for virtual money and then play dukan dukan),police inspector (standing infront of mirror wearing a cap and with a stick in hand ),judge(take a hammer and then order order),Tipu Sultan(the sword which I often used to buy from balloonwala ),sportsman or rather a cricketer(there was no tube left in my home which me and my big B never broke).Newton’s third law was deeply in love with me. To every action of mine there was opposite reaction by my mom.

As a mundane I was also admitted to school (St.Aloysius).You will reckon that was the most sulking day of my life but that is deprecated. When I saw Mrs Julie entering ,I was hypnotized like a small child seeing the magic for the first time uuf she was so gorgeous and sexy (see how naughty I was at the age of 6) that my temple gorged by her whimsical figure. I used to act as a naïve in her class. She used to call students ”oye hero” and when I was called by that name (oh I had always wished to be in utopia with her) my adrenaline gland used to double its secretion and I used to feed my senses. I am my favorite so whenever I was asked who is your favorite actor I always said the obvious. But she was available only for a year (dirty minds, now don’t think she was a……).
As time passed by we were all exalted and in second standard a new sentence struck me “School is our second home”. I don’t exactly remember who that teacher was but if I knew the F word then, the consequence would have been the obvious, Termination or rather Ostracized.

Then came the years of obscurity ,where I made myriad faux passes and again screwing up my life.I got detached from my studies not knowing the reason, probably a jinx to my school life our unbeloved physics teacher Mr.Douloi .The earthly creature to which he most resembled was a Black Bull. He used to howl like anything , the student spoofingly agreeing to whatever he teached (exactly opposite what was written in the books).He was the only reason, I reckon why i was “promoted on trial” in eight standard (I was never a dull student).In coming years he was demoted and never took our classes(several complains were lodged to the principal by us). He was replaced by likes of sir Nobert Paul(the most evoking person in my life although many disliked him), Gopal Mishra (I disliked him).Transformation from 5 subject red mark getter to 12th rank getter was never easy but I however managed it with my sheer diligence and conducive efforts of my friends (Soumen and Piyush,class toppers).

I know that this is the most boring blog you have ever read but friends I am not going to stop(I will not say picture abhi baki hai,you all are too smart to understand that. ). I will abide by what was planned for me by the Holy Lord…. to bore people.
Next blog will be of my Thomas days. So keep an eye. Till then Happy Boring!!!